Pornstar Detectives

Pornstar Detectives is a comedy segment of It's All Been Done Radio Hour. It was created by Jerome Wetzel, the second segment conceived for the program, and was also the second one to come to an end, completing the series in May 2018, after two seasons and a miniseries.

The original concept was inspired by Saturday Night Live's recurring porn stars advertisements. Deciding it would be fun to have two such characters try to solve mysteries (while not quitting their porn careers), Jerome set out to make a low-IQ Sherlock Holmes-esque series. Amber and Staci, the leads, never did really reach Holmes on any level. But the segment resulted in a series of memorable characters, including the often-seen Larry.

Over the course of the twenty-episode run, Amber and Staci worked for the cops, palled around with teenagers, and made a lot of friends. They usually solved whatever mystery they were looking into, but rarely on their own. They stopped being pornstars, then started again. They stopped being detectives, then started again. Through it all, they maintained a sense of adventure and fun.

In the end, it was revealed that Pornstar Detectives was set in the same dimension as The Scary Dead, explaining the origin of the zombie outbreak and ending with many fan-favorite characters' deaths.

The theme song was composed by Nathan Haley with lyrics by Jerome Wetzel. It is performed by Chase McCants.

It is pure coincidence that Amber and Staci were played by Amanda and Sam, the first letters of their names matching. The parts were not written for them, they earned them through audition.

Characters

Main article: List of Pornstar Detectives characters

Main Characters

• Amber Showers played by Amanda Iman. Amber is the slightly smarter, slightly bossier of the two. She loves to memorize colors, arguably the one thing (besides porn) she is really good at. She looks out for Staci, her (mostly) hetero life partner. Her protectiveness can make it hard for her to forgive once wronged, Bruce having a hard time winning her back over after she felt he wronged them. She is also the cousin of Donald J. Trump, much to her chagrin - a word she does not know.
• Staci Xxx played by Samantha Stark. Staci's real name as Anastasia Xanadau. She used to be as nerdy as that name. Once she lost her virginity, though, she lost her smarts, and changed her name to match. She is a loving aunt to Brentley and totally devoted to Amber. She actually likes almost everyone she meets, almost as much as she loves staring at walls. Her high school scientific research contributed to the zombie outbreak in her dimension. Her prolonged abstinence was the key to curing the disease.
• Bruce Jenner played by Dallas Ray (main season two, recurring season one, guest miniseries). Bruce discovered Amber and Staci and made them pornstars. A genuinely nice guy, he had the misfortune to choose them, as their personalities drove him absolutely crazy. So much so that he was able to be falsely accused of a crime, and most people believed he did it. After his name was cleared, his porn directing career gone, he became the girls' manager.

Major Recurring Characters

• Larry played by Shane Stefanchik. Larry was Staci's friend who owned a sex toy shop. He was wary of Bruce, and possibly a little shady himself. Larry liked to shorten everyone's name to one syllable, often ending with 's.' At the start of the miniseries, Larry, tired of being rejected romantically by Staci, closed off shop and moved to Ohio, where he became a janitor and appeared in The Scary Dead.
• Brentley played by Joe Morales. Brentley was Staci's nephew, going through puberty at the beginning of the series. He had a crush on Amber, even though his best friend was a girl named Sage who obviously liked him. Brentley also had a dog with a peculiar way of talking. He was the only one, besides Amber and Staci, to survive the zombie outbreak, and just after turning 18, finally slept with Amber. A lot.
• Detective Graves played by Dan Condo. Graves was a gruff police detective who really hated being saddled with Amber and Staci. He frequently yelled at them and tried to leave them out of cases. He was very happy when they were fired, though did protect them from zombies, even sacrificing his life to do so, when ordered to by the president.
• Detective Simms played by Virgil Von Hartzel. Best friends with Graves, his police partner, Simms was even-tempered. He tried to make the best of working with Amber and Staci. He liked to get a little wild in his personal life, as evidenced by his romantic partner. Simms got the girls to Graves, despite personal mourning, during the zombie apocalypse, only to be bitten. Graves mercifully shot him in the head before he could turn.
• Elsa played by Katelyn Hamilton. Elsa was a German porn star who constantly lost things inside of her orifices. And not just her own things. She worked closely with Amber and Staci, even briefly working for their detective agency. However, it turned out she was actually a Russian spy, possibly connected to President Trump, and fled.
• Sage played by Katie Boissoneault. Sage was Brentley's best friend. She liked him a lot, but as young girls sometimes do, she was pretty mean to him. Thankfully, that paid off in their teenage years when the two began dating. Sadly, Sage perished (by zombie) before it could actually go anywhere.
• Gus the Dog played by Addie Peelle. Gus belonged to Brentley, and was a very smart and judgmental dog. Inexplicably, Gus would say his emotion and sound in words, rather than barking or growling. The human characters paid him no more attention than they would a normal dog, even when he was eaten by zombies.
• (the police) Chief played by Nathan Haley. The Chief was a politician, groveling to stay on the mayor's good side, even if that meant accepting Amber and Staci onto the force. Their screw ups ultimately led to him being fired. He bounced back to become an exotic dancer, before being eaten by zombies.
• Granny Gonzo played by Katelyn Hamilton. Granny was a porn star who, now retired, owned a local bakery where Sage worked. Although Granny only appeared in one episode of this segment, she would go on to do three commercials.

Episodes

Main article: List of Pornstar Detectives episodes

Pornstar Detectives was very serial, with a large number of recurring characters for the small number of episodes it ran. Things constantly came back around, tying into past events, though usually there was a case-of-the-week to solve, too.

Season one ran from July 2015 through June 2016 for a total of eight episodes. Midway through, the girls quit porn and became 'real' detectives alongside Graves and Simms, though they continued to run into people from their porn days.

Season two began in July 2016 and ran through September 2017 for another eight episodes. Early on, Amber and Staci were fired from the force. With their former director, Bruce, no longer making movies, they tried to break back into the business, but found it hard to do so without an agent. They also had difficult finding new detective work. Both of these were solved (modestly) when Bruce agreed to become their manager in both sides of their work.

Pornstar Detectives: 2019 was a miniseries than ran from January through May 2018. During the course of four episodes, a zombie outbreak swept through town. Most of the recurring characters were killed as Amber and Staci tried to stay alive. Eventually, they holed up and Staci, deprived of sex, got smart enough again to cure the virus. Sadly, by then most bodies were too decomposed for the cure to do much good. (Note: Amanda Iman was not available for two of the four episodes of the miniseries, so in the first and third parts, Amber was played by Kristin Green.)

Recurring Bits & Trivia

• Amanda and Sam improv-ed that the girls were really bad at high-fives. They made sure the move was attempted a lot, but only once in two seasons did they connect. For the miniseries, Kristin and Sam decided that they had spent much of their unemployment perfecting it, and high-fives were completed throughout the final four episodes.
• Shane improv-ed a bit where Larry would dance around saying the name of something, seemingly not remembering but coming very close. It was so funny, it got written into many scripts, where Shane still found ways to stretch out the bit past what was on the page.
• Gus was written with actual barks and growls conveying emotion. Cast member Addie Peelle, who was assigned the role (not auditioned for it), claimed she could not growl or bark. Her solution was hilarious, so much so that the character came back several more times than intended.
• Sam had a lot of fun making the gagging noise in the first Christmas show. Although it rarely made it back into the show, it has been done behind-the-scenes frequently.
• "Just like Frozen!" was supposed to be a one-off joke. Everyone, audience and cast alike, enjoyed it so much that it kept making its way back into the show until Jerome just gave up and made it Staci's catch-phrase.
• The words to the theme song were changed many times over the course of twenty-episodes, adjusting to whatever situation the girls were currently in.
• Whenever Chase was out for a show that Pornstar Detectives appeared in, a recording of his singing was run, lip-synced by Marianne Dean-Jackson. Marianne made a character out of the role, pretending she was a super fan who had kidnapped Chase. The bit became cannon when paid off and written into the series finale.